Obituary of the Pillsbury Doughboy
Please
join me in remembering a great icon. Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The
Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications
from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly
greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth,
the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies,
Captain Crunch and many others.
The graveside was piled high with
flours as long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing
Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was
kneaded."
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was
filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting
much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times,
even as a crusty old man, he was still considered a roll model for
millions.
Toward the end it was thought he'd raise once again, but he was
no tart.
Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have
two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20
minutes.
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