Schenectady, NY: I once knew a child whose favorite Sabbath
School song was "Gladly the Cross Eyed Bear." (Gladly, the Cross I
Bear.")
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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to
an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously
had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of
the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy
efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution:
Do not step in exhaust."
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People want the front of
the bus, the back of the
church, and the center of attention
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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a
large city because he was short of time and couldn't
find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that
read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't
park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police
officer along with this note. "I've circled this block
for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose
my job. Lead us not into temptation."
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Adam & Eve had the perfect marriage.
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn't
have to hear about how well his mother cooked!
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A father was approached by his young son who told
him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you
'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay, said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible
mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information
Before Leaving Earth.'"
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It seems a cowboy from Colorado skipped church one day to go bear hunting in the mountains. As he turned the corner along the path, he and a bear collided. The cowboy stumbled backwards, slipped off the trail and began tumbling down the mountain with the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the cowboy crashed into a boulder, sending his rifle in one direction and breaking both legs. As the bear closed in, the cowboy cried out in desperation, "Lord, I'm sorry for what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! Lord, please make that bear a Christian." Suddenly, the clouds parted and a beam of light shown down on the bear. The bear skidded to a halt at the cowboy's feet, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and said, "God, bless this food which I am about to receive."
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At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today." He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you do it again."
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Determined to "take it with him" when he died, a very rich man prayed until the Lord gave in. There was one condition: he could bring only one suitcase of his wealth. The rich man decided to fill the case with gold bullion. The day came when God called him home. St. Peter greeted him, but told him he could not bring his suitcase. "Oh, but I have an agreement with God," the man explained. "That's unusual," said St. Peter. "Mind if I take a look?" The man opened the suitcase to reveal the shining gold bullion. St. Peter was amazed. "Why in the world would you bring pavement?"
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The pastor's young daughter asked her father why he always stopped at the pulpit and closed his eyes for a moment before he began to preach. The pastor told his daughter that he was saying a silent prayer and asking God to help him deliver a good sermon. The young girl thought for a minute and then asked her father, "Dad, how come He doesn't do it?"
All Authors Unknown
