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Things You Wish You Could Say At Work

• Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
• It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
• I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• You sound reasonable . . . um, must be time to up the medication.
• Who me? I just wander from room to room.
• And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?
• Do I look like a people person?
• I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
• You! . . . Off my planet!
• Does your train of thought have a caboose?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• A PBS mind in an MTV world.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Nice perfume. Bt, must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, and disorder . . . ok, my work here is done.
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.