There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For
example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run
to the end of his chain and gag himself.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
body and your fat are really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.
Did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and
"IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.
I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
Lord, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
I cleaned my house yesterday. Sure wish you could have seen it.
This isn't clutter; these are my antiques!
Discover wildlife! Have kids!
Our policy is to always blame the computer.
Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
Take my advice. I'm not using it!
Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you for cleaning my face
with spit on a hanky.
By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!
This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
